Poshlands 8/30/17 Back Blast

Hindenburg-disaster

 

It’s official.  The short-lived era of dirigible-based workout themes met its match on a foggy Wednesday morning at the Poshlands.  Not since that fateful evening in Lakehurst, New Jersey some 80 years ago,  has a zeppelin been the source of such confusion, havoc and torment.  Oh, the humanity.

 

Q:

Taco

 

PAX: 

Red Roof
Cardinal
Glaucoma
Dynomite!
Lil’ Smokey
Force Close
Mr. Hat
Double Down
Tool Time
McAfee
Rhythm
Kilo
Bobross
Uncle Rico

 

StarChild – notable absent from the list above – arrived early, ready to roll.  That is, until he discovered a shark’s tooth wedged in the sidewall of his passenger side rear Kumho. So he had to ditch early, which left us with 15 PAX (which unfortunately, as we will discover later, is an odd number).

 

Pre-Workout:

– Mosey from flag to the west side of the Egg Lawn

– Qty. (15) Don Quixotes

– Qty. (20) side-straddle hops

– 20 second plank position with left arm & left leg raised (x2)

– 20 second plank position with right arm & left leg raised (x2)

– Qty. (20) Freddie Mercury’s

 

The Thang (Part 1):

– PAX were divided into Team 1 and Team 2, consisting of (8) and (7), respectively.  Each team subdivided into groups of 2 or 3

– Groups lined up at the westernmost (6) light posts, and were challenged to sprint to the far east side of the lawn via the walking path.  Team 1 drove northward, and team 2 went south.  Along the way, a complete set of B-L-I-M-P-S would be performed by each group at every third light post.

– B – burpees: qty. (10)

– L – lunges: qty. (20)

– I – imperial walkers: qty. (30)

– M – merkins: qty. (10)

– P – plank jacks: qty. (20)

– S – squats: qty. (30)

– The first team to completely arrive at the other side was awarded the win, and received one credit.

– The first challenge ended with a beat-down by Team 2.  Until it was later revealed that Team 2 consisted of ex-footballers, marathoners, and all-round badasses that Team 1 felt some solace.  Plus, there’s a pretty good chance that Team 2 cheated, after having feigned puzzlement over the rules of the challenge, and then proceeded to tear it up.

 

The Thang (Part 2a):

– Team 1 and Team 2 each formed a circle in the grassy area on the east side of the lawn (for those of us who are still enjoying the metaphor, this would be the nose cone of our Hindenburg)

– Each team assumed Monkey Howler position (squatting, with hands grasping ankles).  Comfy.

– Challenge began with one PAX completing qty. (10) Monkey Humpers, whilst the others maintained MH position.  A Monkey Humper is an even lower squat rep.  The Monkey Humper regimen continued by the adjacent PAX, until two complete revolutions of Monkey Humpers was achieved.

– This scene caused mirth among a passing group of runner ladies.  Either that or PTSD.

 

The Thang (Part 2b):

– Team 1 and Team 2 each formed a straight line (head-to-toe) while in plank position, facing east.

– Challenge began with the PAX at the rear of the line bear crawling to the front of the line, Indian run style, as the others maintained plank position. The bear crawls continued until each PAX had completed two rounds.

– Team 2 completed each of these challenges faster than Team 1.  However, since Team 1 had an additional PAX to cycle through, no credits could be awarded.  A pyrrhic victory for the over-achievers.

 

The Thang (Part 3):

– Team 1 and Team 2 each returned to the walking path, and lined up at the designated starting positions.

– The final challenge was an Indian run back to the starting position at the west side of the lawn.

– The first team to completely arrive at the other side was awarded the win, and received one credit.

– Team 2 won the challenge again, although Team 1 had to negotiate traffic halfway though their sprint.  A total of two credits was gained by Team 2.

 

The Thang (Part 4):

– All PAX formed a large circle in the grass.

– Dragnet theme music heralded the return of Jack Webb

– PAX initiated Jack Webbs to close it out (Jack Webbs: merkins followed by arm raises in a 1 to 4 ratio, in a fast succession, starting with 1).  Goal was to achieve  10 merkins and 40 arm raises.

– Team 2 wisely exchanged their two credits for rest on merkin set 9 and 10.

 

Post-Workout / MARYs:

– Mosey back to the flag.  Q overhears runner ladies murmuring “they’re doing CrossFit”.  As StarChild was not present to set the record straight, this was chalked up as a lost marketing opportunity.

– Qty. (20) LBCs

– Qty. (15) American Hammers

– Qty. (10) gas pumps

 

Name-O-Rama and Circle of Trust:

– A few PAX had to bolt early – but we were still left with 12 PAX for the closing ceremonies

– Lil’ Smokey got the opportunity to clarify that his nickname was not the result of a affiliation with either Philip Morris or Hillshire Farms

– Glaucoma suggested a 7:00A start-time for the Labor Day routine

– Taco prayed for American men

– PAX set out to attend to their day’s business

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