The Labor Day Derby Nest Pelican / Dauber Co-Q was literally the most over-hyped F3 Louisville event ever, and it did not disappoint. The bar was set high, we aimed for average and emphatically under-delivered. Even the pre-workout was pretty much a cluster. Lots of PAX were already there when I arrived (including Pelican who I think arrived 90 minutes early but really didn’t have anything setup). (That’s BS I was only there 40 minutes early. Also Brown Tail was there when I got there, not sure why exactly but I do wonder if he gets there at 4:50 during the week) I told Pelican several times in advance that I was going to wear Derby gear, so of course I looked like an idiot when I rolled up and he was in normal WO clothes. (This was too easy–you’d look like an idiot anyway) My derby shirt would come in handy later though. Jerry McGuire doesn’t Q a lot but he was so concerned about the prospect of a Pelican/Dauber co-Q that he grabbed me before we started with some ideas. I don’t mean some random thoughts…he had a board written up with exercises and the associated playlist to go with it. (He knew a Pelican/Dauber Co-Q basically meant I was on my own and he’s been to my Qs so he wanted to be prepared) So, I was brimming with confidence now knowing that Jerry M had our back if we screwed things up beyond our own ability to recover as we gave the disclaimer, split into two groups, and started out on a mosey in opposite directions. I had gone about a hundred yards when I looked back to see Backflop flying at his usual pace with his 2.0 Super-soaker right with him but his other 2.0 Squirt Gun (who is 3 years old!) trailing about 20 yards behind. He was working his tail off but his legs are almost as short as Backflop’s and I think some fearful tears (ie “Dad – why the hell you being a jerk” tears) started appear so backflip scooped him up for some extra weight on the mosey. We arrived at the front lot well ahead of Pelican’s group that seemed to be thirsting for leadership (more lies, Holy Roller was in my group, nuff said)…once all were there we circled up for COP: SS Derby Hops IC x20, Derby Toy Soldiers IC x20, SS Derby Hops IC x10 (double time), Derby Headed squats, downward horse, SS Derby Hops IC x2.
We started with 28 and added one as we were wrapping up COP. It was Jerry Maguire and I assume he was late as he was working on his Weinke. The HIM that helped break the Derby Day Nest in September on Labor Day weekend record were as follows–(I was really hoping Dauber would do this part so I didn’t have to type all these names, he sucks)
Mama’s Boy
Rocky
Jerry Maguire (R) (Backup Co-Co-Q)
Double Down (R)
Fungi
Brown Water
Asian Zing (R)
Gisele
Honey Do
Malpractice
WILDflower
Hush Puppy
Overflow
Muncher (FNG)
Holy Roller (R)
Meter Maid
Brown Tail (R)
Captain Crunchberry
Jolly Rancher
Fun dip (2.0)
Backflop
Super Soaker (2.0)
Squirt Gun (2.0)
Devitto
LePew
Nice n Slow
GQ (no shirt)
Pelican (Co-Q)
Dauber (Co-Q)
Each group then completed the County loop and met again at the back parking lot (Dauber’s group well ahead again if I remember right) for the “Triple Crown”…(somehow I had different people in the Pelican group this time, would have said something but I know why they switched and didn’t want to scar them anymore).
Thang 1 – Fastest 2 Minutes in Sports (or slowest, yeah definitely slowest).
As the first leg of the Triple Crown I figured it was best to start with an ode to the fastest 2 minutes in sports. So we ran around the backlot for two minutes, the next two minutes did a different form of exercise, then back to two minutes of running….we did this for 20 minutes or so. It was amazing the number of trailers and lawn mowers we saw in that short window of time. Mama’s Boy unsuccessfully tried to HL one of the landscapers…he didn’t even consider it at all. But one time he found a dude taking a walk during a bachelor party and got him to join a workout–man bachelor parties are lame these days. Anyway, back to Thang 1–I forgot to mention the prizes at the beginning but once I remembered you should have seen the pace pick up–actually it didn’t pick up at all. I think everyone thought I had trophies but one time I brought beer and bourbon so moral of the story is to strive for a Pelican Prize…For our other modes of transportation we did Marios, Bernie Sanders, Bear Crawls and either lunge walk or broad jumps. That’s not what the board said but everyone was convinced you had a choice so I went with it. (Yep, Pelican screwed up the board but we are kinda used to it so we made the most of the situation and combined the lunge walks and broad jumps into a new exercise – “gallops”). Also I did mention that Backflop was barred from the contest–being jockey size gives him an unfair advantage. I also learned that just because a song has Kentucky in it doesn’t mean it’s a good song. (Pelican somehow outdid himself with his worst playlist ever…didn’t think it was possible). But the call to the post to get us started was awesome, glad I thought of that.
Thang 2 – Derby Program Pick-Your-Poison.
The PAX circled up in anticipation as I retrieved the Derby program to provide crack handicapping tips as well as a number of newly invented exercises as each derby horse or program number was called. I had something planned out for each horse, but really didn’t think Pelican would give me more than 5 minutes (cough, cough…Backflop / Pelican Postiversary Co-Q), but we got through quite a few. (Dauber has Co-Qed with Fructose and Crunchberry in the past. This was a new experience for him to have someone who not only knows how long the workouts are but also has a phone that you can reach them on. I wasn’t sure how he’d react. I’ve Co-Q’d with Tidwell and Backflop so this was like that time Scottie Pippen played for the Bulls without MJ). Le Pew was talking too much and not listening to the handicapping tips so I assume he had a rough day betting (Le Pew hit an exacta showing these tips were worthless), I think it was Hushpuppy who chose one of the two horses who were already scratched which embarrassed his two 2.0s in attendance (welcome FNG Muncher by the way), and Malpractice picked Storm The Court which I had to modify and skip due to 2.0s in attendance (hint…”Katina Powells”). Anyway, we did complete a bunch of Money Moves, Force-Oxes, Ticket Tear-ups (sorry Meter…I am not certain that we jinxed Tiz The Law and ruined your futures bets, but it is likely), Superman Yellow and Red Sun Gods, NY Traffic T-Bones, Roman Soldiers, Major Freddie Mercury’s, and Touchdown Jesus’s (to the sounds of Miley Cyrus). At this point time was running short and, like most of my Qs, no one was listening any longer so we directed the PAX to mosey to the lot behind the chapel for the third thang in the Triple Crown, and Pelican and I jumped in his car. (Basically Dauber just renamed a bunch of exercise and called them horse stuff, he claimed to have spent time on this but I don’t think he did).
Thang 3 –
For Thang 3 Dauber made the wise suggestion that we go out of the way from our normal lot as there are typically people walking to the church when we wrap up (yes that was really Pelican that called Dauber wise, I didn’t mean it but I said it). We were going to park by the playground but there were people there for a prayer group when I arrived so we called an audible and parked in the normal spot. We had some props that we didn’t want to carry so we jumped in the car and arrived at the side lot just as the PAX arrived. The third round of the triple crown was Derby Trivia. If the PAX got the questions right Dauber and I had to do 10 burpees and they got to drink (beer, water, or mint juleps). If they got them wrong roles were reversed. Except for Holy Roller, his punishment was not getting to do burpees. The first question I let the PAX quiz me on was the past Derby winners. I’m like Rainman and can tell you the winner of the Derby of any year. Rocky thought he stumped me but I nailed it..with an assist from Dauber’s shirt which everyone just thought he looked stupid in but didn’t realize listed all the past winners on it (did you see my socks and shorts?? The shirt was the only thing that didn’t look ridiculous). The trivia questions were tough so we went easy on the burpees and heavy on the drinking. Meter tried to give two answers to my trick question about last year’s Derby so I made him do burpees. He was kind of right but you can’t have two answers….As we were winding down it seemed as if Squirt Gun wanted us all to know how he got his name and dropped his pants and started whizzing everywhere. It was awesome and he didn’t care and neither did we. We were definitely more the Derby Infield crowd than the Millionaire’s row peeps. Derby Trivia finished up and we headed for COT. We did name o rama–Overflow spiked his hat for some reason and then him and Hush Puppy tried to leave. I know Overflow has been on summer vacation but seemed strange he forgot everything–shows you should practice some in the summer. We named a FNG Muncher (Hush Puppy’s youngest) and then did announcements and intentions. Everyone was in agreement that this was the best Nest ever on Derby Day in September. Just shows if you give people beer they don’t care that you planned the workout in 5 minutes the week before after the Nest.
Highlights of the announcements were that IPC will be Monday at 7 instead of 5:30 since its Labor Day and that Mama and Alexa have the monthly ruck on 9/25. It will be starting and ending somewhere around the County. Unless your kid has a birthday, you should go. Intentions were said for friends and family members. Dauber then called me his best friend, it was weird. He technically said one of them but I know he didn’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings. In all seriousness, this group has made me lots of new best friends including and especially Dauber (even Airplane who surprisingly wasn’t there). It’s great to have a group of men who support and root for each other like we do. Today was another special morning at the County. It was a great start to Derby Day and hope the PAX enjoyed it as much as Dauber and I did. If they didn’t they can reimburse me for the beer.
Post workout we did a $5 Derby Jackpot. I won, it was awesome. During the drawing it was funny to see Hush Puppy’s 2.0s standing around the car just waiting for Dad to be ready to go home. On the other end of the spectrum, Back Flop handed his 2.0s the keys while we tried to finish the crappy beer Dauber likes. Then one of them had to poop so he left.
The End
SYITG
Dauber/Pelican
F3 Louisville 