Q: Zartan & BUSCHHHH

Pax (39): Fall Guy, Chestnut, Pepperoni, WHAM!, Iceman, Plum Bob, meatball, Gepetto-F3, Fanny Pack, Sump Pump, Diablo, Zima, Back Draft, Hamm, Hand Book, Holla, PK, Tron, Asian Zing, Methane, Vincent, Big Bird, McAfee, Metermaid, Alexa, Airplane, Flo Jo, Tureen, Mamma’s Boy, DiGiorno, Glen Ross, FNG- Baywatch, FNG- Fran, FNG-Cookie, FNG- Ditka, FNG- CuCuCooler.

Conditions:  Amazing

Gearlander:  F3 Orange (not Clemson color) long Sleeve official ’19 RUCKTOBERFEST dri-fit. A Dos XX Ruck substitute back pack with 30lbs of back up Road Dogs.

I Was honored to be asked to lead the Ruck last year knowing my Ruck experience was zilch. Then when asked to run it back in 2019, well I could only call my dawg Zartan and find a cold brew or 14 and discuss. Kept the plan pretty secret, but pax probably know our style by now.

Participants Rolled up to HT early to find myself and Z tailgating in the parking lot with a registration like a Dr Office. Or just a fold up chair and a trunk with Beer Swag.

Once we all arrived. We Split the group into Two. Team: SAM and Team: ADAMS. Teams designated by arm band or sweet O-Fest Hats. Throughout the Ruck we would call on the captains of these groups: Sump Pump and Diablo for a variation or group work. More to come on that.

Once split into two we told the guys they had 2 min to get in Alphabetical order. Considering the reputation this group has with simple counting, I thought for sure we would Jack rabbit this up. Nonetheless the Pax Surprised. From Alexa-Zoo we counted off in groups of 6. Everyone had a pecking order on an index card for the 6-man mini teams we would be calling on throughout the night. Quick disclaimer and we’re off.

From what I am told, “Normal” rucks generally have a team weight. Well keeping with the theme and my reputation we made out first stop at Zartans house to pick up some team weights.

Team weight #1: 4′ Foot Ceramic Sam Adams Octoberfest Stein.

Team weight #2: Das-Truly Boot

Team Weight #3: 100Qt Grizzly with some refreshments.


Second Stop: The infamous grounds of Little Augusta. We got to relive the Championship Round Fall Guy and Tureen took in the 2019 F3 Golf Championship.

Third Stop: A crowded walk down the spooky street of HillCrest Ave. Here is where we found our first Challenge Stop at the most decorated house on the street. The Ghrist Family was kind enough to open their Island Oasis Margaritaville. Here we surprised the Pax with an Octoberfest bungalow, cheese ball, various snacks and a TEAM SAM v TEAM ADAMS flip cup challenge. Victory went to Team Adams, I think….

With our steins filled we were Escorted by the fast and furious PBR Hummer holding a 30pk of some Miller Lites. This cooler is like my pup and just knows its way home.

Stop 4: My Driveway. Greeted by my daughter in her PJs banging on the window to greet the pax. Here we found our 2nd challenge: Beer Chug. We looked to the index cards for a name from each group. But wait a car pulls in the driveway and Like Stone Cold Steve Austin, HOTWHEELS running down the driveway for a late addition to the chug. But in undramatic fashion he was gone as quick as he came. 1st Place by not much surprise: Zima!!! 2nd place with big surprise is the 65 going on 19 Fall Guy!!

My M is a saint and knows me well, but I figured the neighbors had heard enough 2rdF bombs, lurking shadows with tiny streams… and cans slammed to move on. But for another surprise….at the end of my Driveway was Team Weight #4: LOG. It’s log, it’s better than bad, it’s good!

The pax would take said LOG to the showers! If you don’t know what that means you’ve never urinated in the correct location (Zartan) at PATRICKS!

Here we hit our first public place and much to my expectations we were welcomed with strange looks and aggressive older women!!! We proceeded to partake in challenge #3. HAMMER SHLOGAN. A pax from each smaller team would compete in hitting a nail into the log. Yes that simple… and YES that entertaining.

Glen Ross must have taken a Blue Chew with his Caffeine gum, his first strike and he was DQ’d. The boys started to get the hang that slow and steady would beat the Bam Bam brothers method. With a come behind W, HOLLER at cha boy! A toss of the stump into the abyss and we are off. After the success of the first serenade during the 2018 Ruck, Zartan and I knew we had to bring this back. Well true to form Flo Jo and Plum Bob didn’t disappoint… there may have been penetrating…

Not to be confused with the serenade Nugget gave to Zartans and I’s trophy… more to come.

At this point funds were low so Glen Ross made a pit stop to check the pipes and ATM at Forcht You Bank before heading to Diamonds.

Here at Diamonds we were greeted by another surprise guest. A lost Pax member, SABAN who happens to be my Sam Adams Rep. He led us in our 4th challenge: a good ol fashion Stein Hoist for a member of each team. While at this point half the guys couldn’t hold a 12oz our crazy ripped hulk, FANNY PACK took the prize with a 3:40 hoist.

While Diablo was talking with other patrons at the bar, Nugget had inspired a 5th challenge to the group, or some of us… Das Truly.

Running way behind at this point we B-lined over to Saints. Here the bouncer was nun too happy with the Demeanor of our group, nonetheless we slammed another stein of OFest and Das Truly.

I could tell some pax were fading… ROOKIES (get a real job that allows you to drink all day). We made our way to our final stop of the night, our “west end HDHH” spot. We circled up around our team weights for some some COP. Meanwhile CPT Sully aboard the US 1549 aka Airplane decides he’s going to make a whiffle ball trophy out of our elaborate team weight. #NeverForgive. At least we have a Whiffleball Trophy.

We circled up, named our FNGs said some nice shit to each other and then back to Gerstles for our last 4 beers!

For sake of my thumbs, I’m done writing. But in all seriousness the night was a blast. If you couldn’t make it ask somebody, if you made it and don’t remember much ask somebody. I’m sure someone remembers most of the details,

Zartan and I aren’t the die-hard mother Rucker’s some of our pax have become. But we do live by 1 slogan. RUCK TO REPEAT.

#2018 #2019 Best Ruck Champs.


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