2/7 Blender Backblast: Thankfully the Internet Still Works on the East Coast After Two #Octothreats in Two Days #getbetter

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Louisville, KY at 0542 on February 7, 2018:

“Did you feel that?”

“I did. That was a serious tremor. Do you think it was an earthquake?”

“No. I don’t think it was. I’m pretty sure, nay, I’m positive. That was. . . an Octothreat.”

“Wait. Wasn’t there just an Octothreat in Carpex yesterday? They did one in Louisville the day after?!”

“Well, that explains this giant crevasse in my yard.”

“Is that your minivan down there?”

“OCTOTHREEEEEEAAAAAATTTTTTT!”

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For those of you who woke up to hot magma in your finished basements (now cold igneous rock), maybe a cracked foundation, or even a lost minivan, my bad. Seriously that was all my fault. Not in a legally liable way, though, because, you know the Disclaimer. How was I to know that today’s Octothreat would cause fault lines to move and tectonics to shift? But seriously, I’m sorry about that couch. Let’s be honest, though, it was covered in dog hair and your kid spilled orange juice on it last weekend. And the laminate. All my fault. But now you can treat your M to some tile or maybe a tongue in groove maple. I did you a favor. Oh, and minivans are for nerds.

Don’t act coy. We know you felt it. Perhaps no damage to speak of, but you felt it nonetheless. That Octothreat that ripped through the entire East Coast? Nothing? That shaking and rumbling? Really? The magma crevasses?  Hell, there’s a rumor that Delaware is gone. Just totally gone.

Wait, maybe you just don’t know what an Octothreat is. Ok. Did you know there was one yesterday at F3 Carpex? Hell, they’ve had 2 or 3. But we’ve never seen two in a row in such close geographic proximity. Still don’t know? That’s fair(ish).

I have been asked from time to time*: “CI, what the f@ck are you talking about?” (*often).  Well, here goes.  I’ll tell you what an Octothreat is.

But before I define Octothreat, a disclaimer:

Defining the Octothreat is like me telling you how to taste umami; how to feel a kiss from a rose; how to know if your kid is truly good looking; how to be your own Octothreat. Plus, I don’t own Octothreat. I’m barely a caretaker. I just happened to be in the same ether when it was born from the mind of Hello Kitty of F3 Carpex. (All links are safe and I encourage you to click) Therefore, I define it with both care and trepidation. Hello Kitty can clarify any errors in the comment section below. But here goes:

Definition 1: Octothreat. Adjective.

A description of a person who has almost three times the skills as a triple threat, but all eight of them dulled to the point that they’re nearly useless.

https://twitter.com/jimmf3ci/status/959592405493264385

Definition 2: Octothreat. Noun.

Any workout that employs a series of 8 exercises, or variants, or multiples thereof, in succession.

Definition 3: Octothreat. All 8 parts of speech. (yep; there are 8. Woof).

Octothreat. That’s all you had to say.

Now, with all that out of the way, who wants to know what we did to cause all this damage (mostly brain if you got this far. Feel free to complain.)?

QIC: Captain Insane-o (YHC) and a semi-sentient sandbag that has the twitter handle @ValHKillmer

Pax (11): Glenn Ross, Zartan, OJ (who almost fartsacked, but came any way because he knew something big was about to go down), Wham!, Vincent, Red Roof, Diablo, Mouth, Zoolander, Left Eye (second post in a row, no longer a FNG!), Captain Insane-o

Conditions: Hovering in the danger zone between school and no school. The cataclysmic event of the Octothreat would soon affect the weather. Misting rain after showers all night. Otherwise, perf.

Gearlander: Hoorag Custom F3Louisiville headband. F3 Louisville shirt, black pullover and waterproof Columbia jacket (soon removed). Blue shorts. Waterproof gloves. Red Swiftwick socks. Trail Newbies. 60 lb sandbag.

Turn out was lean but strong. Hell, Zoolander rolled in as I finished my disclaimer and as I transitioned to COP. I’ll blame the weather. People like me. I’m sure of it.

COP

All 20 x IC

SSHs

Bluff Hikers

Copperhead squats

SSHs

The Thang

Pre-Octothreat (P.O.)

Line up for a Burpee Sandbag Death Jog (silent J). Six Pax does 2 burpees, runs to the front to take the sandbag (Val) from the lead Pax. So on and so on through the neighborhood until we end up at the hill on Gilman. Zartan heard me calling directions and he knew. He knew what was coming. He said over his shoulder to YHC, “You’re gonna try to kill us, aren’t you?” I just fist bumped him. Not me my friend. The Octothreat.

For those that care, the Mutt used to be my hood. I used to run it a lot. And the hill on Gilman is a long, slow hill. The kind you think, “not bad.” That is until you toss in an Octothreat.

The Octothreat

From the bottom of the hill, sprint to the top for 8 Merkins. Sprint down for 8 squats. Repeato 8 times.

Anti-climactic, right? It was harder in person. You had to be there.

After-Octothreat (AO).

Line up for a Burpee Sandbag Death Jog (silent J) again. Six Pax does 2 burpees, runs to the front to take the sandbag (Val) from the lead Pax. Head back to the school for…

Mary

Plank, plank, pass. All Pax in plank position shoulder to shoulder with some space. Hold the planks while we drag the sandbag down and back. Did this a few times, then dropped to elbow plank. A few more times, then recover for…

More Thang

Broke Down Burpees. At the start one squat, hard run to next cone in the lot (which YHC set out early and the pizza guy did not run over), one groiner, hard run to next, 1 Merkin, hard run to next, 1 jump squat, hard run, one Burpee. Sprint back to start and do it again adding a rep each time. We did this for a while. Everyone caught up and we lined up for a….

Broke down Burpee Octothreat. Yes, all that 8 times. Woof. And by woof I mean anti-climactic. Again. Someone did almost spill merlot.

Mosey behind the school for the finisher. Well, sort of. The Octothreat had clearly started affecting the climate. Trees were frozen and YHC and Val nearly wiped out on an icy patch. No chance for weighted step ups on the wall with all that octoice. So YHC audibled.

We jumped in the grass which had a steep hill and Crawl Beared down and bear crawled up 8 times. Octobear.

Then, we circled up on the patio for a Merkin waterfall. Basically all Pax do 10 Merkins, rest in plank for ten seconds, then do 9 Merkins, rest 9 seconds, down to 1. Everyone was all smiles the whole workout until this. Once done, we were out of octotime.

COR, NOR. How about the O guys showing. Maybe the Mutts don’t like YHC? I’ll call my mom to see if people like me. She’ll tell me the truth. Oh well, they’re still all Octothreats in my book. Zartan, Zoo, Mouth, Glenn Ross, I saw ya Tclaps. But the biggest shoutout goes to yesterday’s FNG and today’s Larry Bird, Left Eye. Two in a row and I have to say, we were a little concerned he wasn’t coming back. Beer kegs then a guy named Captain Insaneo, do you blame him? But he’s back and he said he’ll be at the Extender. Strong to quite strong. Diablo called the six and explained, perhaps, why only 11 guys showed for YHC. Maybe it is me? Nah.

I took us out with some words. Thanks to these men. Asked that we all try to be a little better today for our kids, our wives and our friends. Be an Octothreat.

Well, now you know. Or something. My hope is that the Octothreat movement will heal all wounds from the great Clap v No Clap Burpee Debate of ’17. Octothreat is a peacebuilder.

Oh and if you turn an Octothreat on its side, it’s an Infinitythreat. See you at my next Q.

CI out.