My apologies for not posting this sooner, as I had it 85% completed when I bumped up against a previously scheduled “family-only-screen-free” lake trip vacation. Here’s a wildly distorted recap of the workout:
Brown Tail (R)
Malpractice (FNG – welcome!)
Holy Roller (R)
Jerry MaGuire (R)
Crock Pot (Q)
Weather: 72 deg F, 50 % RH.
YHC is not a professional, nor has he received any certification or training. Everything Q says is merely a suggestion. You as a PAX are here voluntarily on your own free will. This will likely be a high intensity exercise, so if you have any medical condition or physical limitation, you should consider not participating. You are encouraged to modify everything as necessary according to your ability, disability, injury, fitness level, etc.
Side Straddle Hops (IC): x15
Slooooow Grass Grabbers (IC): x10
Stay down, hold left ankle: 10 count
Stay down, hold right ankle: 10 count
Downward Dog: 10 count
Cobra: 10 Count
Kendra Newman forward: 10 count
Kendra Newman backward: 10 count
Michael Phelps: 10 count
Imperial Walker (IC): x10
Toy Soldiers (IC): x10
SSH @ 1.5x (IC): x15
This workout had one purpose: Take Dauber’s title of “worst workout music ever”. YHC has endured Dauber’s music selections on many occasions. One memorable occurrence featured Taylor Swift immediately followed by Britney Spears. He’s played boy band music during heavy workouts. Generally, it’s not good. Today’s music would be even not good-er. Definitely worse-er, maybe even worse-est.
During this year’s birthday Q, at the recommendation of my 5 year old (F3 Luigi), YHC played a “Happy Birthday” rendition-ish song by the artist Parry Gripp. Have you ever heard the song “It’s raining tacos?” Same artist. The song is catchy and clever, particularly if you’re a kindergartner. While writing the back blast for that workout, YHC determined one of the stupidest things he could do was Q a workout while playing nothing but Parry Gripp songs.
If you still don’t recognize the musical savant of whom I speak, just note you may have heard the product of this genius over the past few years at places like elementary school functions, the background music to stupid YouTube videos, idiotic television commercials, or even in the shopping mall as you contemplate banging your head against the wall while waiting for your tween. Suffice it to say every song (though some of them are clever!) has virtually the same beat, the same electronic-type sounds & effects, and has a tendency to bounce around inside your head for longer than you wish.
The workout was mediocre (5-ish minute intervals of 50 reps + 1 running lap of: Plank Jacks, Squats, Merkins, Lunges, Mountain Climbers, FMJ burpees, Flutter Kicks, and maybe one other thing) but the playlist was remarkably dreadful.
Chicken Nugget Dreamland
Last Train to Awesome Town
Neon Pegasus ( <—-A solid FNG name BTW)
Yum Yum Breakfast Burrito
Narwhal Eating a Bagel
Tortoise Playing Minecraft
Great Nachos, Great Price
Cat Flushing a Toilet
Guinea Pig Bridge
Hug a Turtle
I Love Bread
Oh Potato Dog
Baby Monkey (Going Backwards on a Pig)
Zombies Want Your Candy
Chimpanzee Riding a Segway
Space Unicorn ( <— Also a good FNG name)
Dramatic Chipmunk Hey!
I Like Vegetables
Boogie Boogie Hedgehog
I’m a Crazy Weirdo and I’m Calling You
Lazy Harp Seal Has No Job
Squirrels, Squirrels, Squirrels
Announcements: GrowRuck in October
Message: Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 9:24-25: Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.
Announced loudly in the pre-blast, YHC’s only stated goal for today was to play annoying music throughout the workout. This is a stupid goal. It is futile, shallow, and not remarkable. Paul talks about how so many people work so hard and dedicate so much… only for a crown that doesn’t matter. It won’t last. Beyond the moment of achievement, it means nothing. People have been caught in this trap since the beginning of time. You may even find yourself in it now. Are the things you spend most of your time, energy, and resources on toward a crown that will not last, or toward one that lasts forever?
Maybe I’m the only guilty one, but today’s message was a reminder to the PAX that it is noble and dignified to work toward a goal. Just make sure it’s a goal that will last forever. Go out and do something today toward a goal that will last forever.
Intentions: Ms. Mary Anne (undergoing cancer surgery), the Boyd family, the Mennis family, and Joe who is battling leukemia. Our prayers are for healing, comfort, and God’s provision for them, their support structure(s), and their loved ones.
NakedMan Moleskin: As YHC rolled close to the County campus, a train was stopped blocking ALL THREE of the potential entrances to Mt. Mercy Rd. (including the wrong-way-one-way that hypothetically one could use a last resort). YHC diverted and looped all the way around to enter from Brownsboro Road, but knew this would likely impact the Agony’s attendance. The Station (you should visit if you haven’t already) had a fine Q at the helm in LePew. In LePew’s back blast he admitted to bribing the conductor for the parked train (usually we only have train impacts on Tuesdays) to persuade higher attendance at the Inferno. Instead of being upset, YHC sees this very clearly as a blessing for two reasons: A- His was probably a better workout and B- His music (or lack thereof) was probably better. This resulted in YHC not losing any friends. Win-Win.
NakedMan Moleskin2: Notable observations and things overheard during the workout – Focker changed “Baby Monkey” lyrics into “Baby Merkin” lyrics; Malpractice actually kept coming back to other workouts after several people told him most workouts weren’t like this one; Holy Roller really enjoyed the song “Black Hamster” about the crime fighting superhero hamster; Gisele screwed up by being hungry at a workout where 75% of the songs were about food; Brown Tail (R) announced “I Love Bread” during CoT; Pelican had a dejected look to himself as he confessed how many of the lyrics he still knew by heart; and my personal favorite was when a long, drawn out “Ohhhh myyyyy Goooooooodddd, are you all listening to this?!?!” came out of Jerry MaGuire’s mouth during the “Cat Flushing a Toilet” song when they played the sounds of a cat flushing a toilet. Yes Jerry, we all heard it. The neighbors probably did too.
Until next meal,