Backblast 12.16 The Tank @ Vets

PAX (14): Bunghole, Cousin Eddie, Diablo, Drysdale, Hot Wheels, McAfee, Meatball, Motor Boat, No Nuts, Sticker Boy, Russdiculous, Sweet Tart, Violet (Q), Worm

In case you missed my Pre-Blast, the workout theme was that the name of every exercise would describe or make fun of the Vets Boys.  I will do my best to provide the PG version of events below as the FCC will not allow me to provide all the details. 

Warm Up: Tour De Mouth

  • Very similar to the Mosey at other AOs but when executed at Vets the pace is very slow and everyone talks the entire time. 
  • It was during the Tour De Mouth that I was informed about a Vets PAX having the most awkward moment with another F3 PAX that I have ever heard off.  If your curious, ask Cousin Eddie for a corn dog.

Thang 1:  Preamy Creamy

  • The Exercise: Similar to a 3-5 second rush, which is a military individual movement technique.  Completed 2 rounds up the grassy hill by the church (yep, we ventured across Taylorsville and used the Church property for most of the workout)
  • The Name: When completing a 3-5 second rush, a soldier is trained to say “I’m up, he sees me, I’m down,” in their head to ensure they do not run for too long and get shot.   This saying would also describe Vets member’s dicks when trying to have sex “I’m up, she sees it, I’m down”.  Hence the name, Preamy Creamy.

Thang 2:  Broke Back Mountain

  • The Exercise: This is a partnered exercise in which Partner 1 ran down the church lot hill and then Bernie Sander’s back up while Partner 2 completed 4-count Mountain Climbers.  The team had to complete 100 cumulative Mountain Climbers and Groiners.
  • The Name: Although I have not seen the movie, this is Bunghole and Cousin Eddie’s favorite film.  They said the movie completely epitomized the boys at the Vets:  A group of rugged, hard-working young men who overcame life obstacles and then have sex with each other.

Thang 3: Jack Asses

  • The Exercise:  A Jack Ass is a 4-count Plank Jack followed by a Donkey Kick.  We completed 30 Jack Asses and while running 1 length of the parking lot.
  • The Name:  There is no more appropriate name to describe the boys at Vets than Jack Assess.  If  you have ever heard Vet’s Mumblechatter then you know exactly what I am talking about.

Thang 3: Stank Monkeys

  • The Exercise:  A Stank Monkey is 4x Monkey Humpers followed by 4x Overhead Arm Claps.  The team completed 10 Stank Monkeys and then 40 consecutive Monkey Humpers followed by 40 consecutive Overhead Arm Claps.
  • The Name:  A funny name for farting is to “Pinch the Stank Monkey”.  And as you well know, the aroma that is consistently omitted at Vets is pretty stank.  So why not get into a great farting position (Monkey Humper) and then waft the smell into your fellow PAX face (Overhead Arm Clap).

Thang 4: Jack-Off Junkies

  • The Exercise:  A Side Plank with the opposite arm completing a “Jack Off Motion”.  The PAX completed 10 strokes per side and then rotated.  40 strokes were completed in total.  For extra effect, the PAX could toss their excitement into the air on the 10th stroke while simultaneously making a “Woooo” noise.  
  • The Name:  Jacking It Santa has been an inspiration for Vets since he was “erected” for the Christmas season.  This exercise was in tribute to this legend.

Thang 5: Douche Canoes

  • The Exercise:   Similar to the American Hammer but the PAX complete 5-rows per side.  When the canoe reaches rough waters (at the Q’s discretion), PAX bring knees to the check and hold it until calm waters prevail.  Team completed 3 minutes of Douche Canoes.
  • The Name:  During a recent workout I stated that I thought one of the PAX was a douche bag.  After pondering this statement for a few weeks, I realized his douchieness far exceeds that which can be contained in a bag and needs a larger vessel to transport it, hence Douche Canoe. 
  • Extra Info: While Completing Douche Canoes, I expressed that I once changed the lyrics of the song “Juke Box Junkie” to “Jack-Off Junkie”. This set off a series of events in which I sang two verses of Jack off Junkie with back up signing provided by Worm. You can probably guess some of the lyrics since Junkie rhymes with monkey but I will leave the rest of the song up to your imagaination.

Thang 5: The High Impact Man

  • The Exercise:   Find a PAX and compliment or thank them for something they have done for you.  After the compliment, complete a man-maker together.  Completed for 5 minutes.
  • The Name:  Although I know it is difficult to find any redeeming qualities of the Vets crew, I thought we should at least try to give them a confidence boost. 

All in all, a pretty easy workout but really fun to lead since I got to bust balls the entire time.  The Vets crew definitely responded with great comebacks, most of which I cannot publish.

COR, NOR, COT: Announcements included Blood Driveand New Date for F3 Anniversary celebration (sorry to ruin your plans Whitney). Expressed thankful ness to God for our many blessings and lifted up or concerns for him to ease our burdens.  God bless.

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